my oh-so-perfect thursday (2)

back to the horrifying thought of going back to msia..

thanks to the smart people who sent me to this really FOREIGN country, i repeat, FOREIGN, ie. people who speak languages dat u cant understand, i'm beginning to fear going back to msia. having to switch back to the culture, the people.. the most important thing is the language.. how am i ever going to be able to construct a complete english sentence without a single grammar mistake, with proper vocab, and no germ-glish? additionally, my chinese is getting worse, my parents might not even understand wht am i trying to tell... can i order a meal in a western restaurant? can i talk to my friends? *arghs!* will i ever be able to cope? my sec school friends speak perfect chinese n hokkien, even my fren who once didn't even knwo what's pear in chinese can now speak perfect chinese; i cant rmbr a single hokkien word, i cant READ the chinese article dat my mum sent to me.. what is this?!?!?!?!??!

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i am so inept...

so very..

the superlative one



-coffeegal-

the oh-so-perfect thursday (1)

today's thursday, n it's a public holiday.. n so so great dat im sitting here on my desk the whole day through til i've seen dozens of trains stopping at the K-Longerich S-Bahn. it had been quite an experience(n did i mention dat i so love the view fr my room?)to see the S11 train heading towards Neuss/Duesseldorf stop exactly at 52, 53, 54, 24(those r minutes by the way) every hour. but heck, one weird thing is, i always miss the one heading to Bergisch Gladbach. hrm.. is it a sign that there's something at Neuss/Duesseldorf waiting for me? hrms.. hehe.. n have seen people comin out fr the station.. gals in spaghetti straps, miniskirts, shorts, sandals.. n yes, u got me, it's almost 30 degrees right here in koeln! phew... *sweats* i'm missing winter already =( today is darn hot to the max, i think any thermometer put outside would melt n burst!

*depressed in a way* i mean, it's so totally out of anyone's mind to spend one whole perfect thursday, totally free fr classes, sitting on the desk and counting trains. man... am i so pathetic? often i wonder...

as much as i should be improvin my german, i feel that my english is so deteriorating .. when i read these jpa scholars' xanga pages, inferiority creeps into me, extending through every muscle n every brain cell of mine.. i feel so frustrated, i feel that i can't write anymore. no way!!!! i mean, yeah, that's partly because they're in US now, they have different environments as me, but heck, that doesn't mean dat my english is entitled to deterioration, rite? and massive one, i mean.. i feel so........ illiterate... so depressed, frustrated... i mean, i want to write!! i love to write!! but i can't write anymore...!!!! not in english!!

consequently, another thought crept into me again lately... how would it be like when i have to return to msia?

-coffeegal-

i'm feeling so stressed!!!!!!argggh!!!!

as my blog says, i'm feeling really stressed n tensed up rite now. whoever who said dat study is easy is talking bullshit man! neva ever said dat studying is easy! Bullshit! Bullshit! total BULLSHIT!!! my german is getting worse day by day. yeah i noe it's supposed to b da other way around, but wat can i say..... it just happened! sigh.........at time like tis, u wonder dat ur home is da nicest place to b....... i think i learned dat we need to appreciate wat we hv now rather than talking bout wat r u going to b o have later in our lives. either way, i'm worrying bout my future, everybody said, yeah easy, u can do it wan... but u c...it's not dat easy to do it! it's easy to say dat i can do it, but not easy to make those words come true....sigh.... our class everday is packed, 830am to 330 pm with 2 15min reak n a 30mins break in between is not enuf, not when u r not keen to enter da class n face da teachers...yeah it's actually not as bad as it sounds, but there's some truth behind it....like one of da physics teacher need 45 mins to explained a somewhat simple electroscope phenomenon, n how a german teacher can talk, walk, teach n give hw so fast dat i cant catch up! sigh.... nevermind..... it's life.... there's obstacles along da way, n tis is just one of it...u need to find a way to overcome it, walk through it, walk around it, turn to frens' help, o etc, u still hv to do it, but simply avoid it n runaway fr it is absolutely not da answer to it. ok dat's all
i'm beginning to think dat i wrote too much ady....

YC

hey! hi fr cologne1

hey...hey guys
wats up? how r u guys doing? we here incologne r doing fine. still no hp though, openiong our bank acc tmrw, hopefully we can get da hp vetrag on fri, mayb getting da internet at our place, we got 6 of us in a hse, each ou us get a roome, quite small but comfortable, 1 super big living room, nice kitchen, wif fridge, freezer, washing mashine n cable tv(almost 30 channel incl mtv) but alles in deutsch xcept cnn! saw a coplue of movie in da tv, didnt go to cinema though, went to da museum, open air ice-skating, a lot of shopping, saw da DOM, nv beein into it yet but soon...we took a lot of trains, it´s so confusing dat we lost our way, tis weekend going to chocolate museum, doing a house party tis sun, planning to go to visit u guys in dortmund soon, we got herr baum as our teacher, we got 2 teachers, another one is a lady, frau albrecht, yeah we saw a lot of cute babies n oso dogs(well-trained)...we got a cute tuotr! his name is KAI da girl tutor is really friendly n she can speak indonesian lang, yeah dat´s probably all 4 now!

ermmm....

no u r wrong...i guess nobody's using da blog, no use i'm writing it onli.... anw 2day i'm curious if really tis blogspot is last visited by me only....hah!!!! lucky me! it's not! i'm quite shocked actually....so anw my curiosity gives way again n again....bummer...i actaully got nth to say
xcept dat i went to help in da temple again 2day n i ate my fav bak kut teh 2day!
hahaha
YC

guess what?

well guess what, steph? SOMEONE actually read ur piece:P hah, guess i'm another bored soul rotting at home, barely awake for an hour though it's already 2 in the afternoon! hah...that's how my holidays have been wasted, but guess what? i'm perfectly fine with it:)hey, i guess all of us have one of those days when all we wanted to do is just sit on the couch, stare at the tv, watching some really old chinese series that u cant even figure out what they're trying to say and have no idea why u have astro with more than 30 channels but then NOTHING seems to appeal to u:( haha. i guess i can understand how u feel bout mv(ur talking to the person who stays at a walking distance to midvalley, and goes there erm, 4 times a week?) dun worry, i'm sure u'll get into the christmas spirit when the time comes. u know what? a part of me cant wait to fly off to germany, to meet new people, to experience a different sort of lifestyle, to travel around and be independent (why ever did they delay the flight date...grr) and another part of me is very reluctant to leave. flying off to a foreign place with none of my family members(yes, that includes xiao bai;P), the fear of not being able to hold up a 'german conversation' despite learning the language for 1 1/2 yrs,not being able to flip the channels on astro, the thought of not being able to eat my mother's cooking, japanese food, mamaks, dim sums, tong suis at ss2 is enough to make me wanna stay:( don't we all? sigh. but i guess there's no use in grumbling and filling up the infinite 'what if..'s in three weeks time, we're gonna leave good 'ol malaysia(gosh, i'm not sure whether i can remember the lyrics of our national anthem:P) and hallo deutschland! so peeps, if anyone ever reads this, that is, enjoy ur holidays and the remaining weeks here. last but not the least, dun leave anything here unpacked, undone, unsaid ( n that includes seeing ppl u might not wanna see now, but otherwise later;P)NICHT BEREUEN(wahahhahaha).

ps. anyway, whose bright idea was this too set up a blog n not contributing to it after a month of hangat-hangat tahi ayam? hehe;P

i figure that no one, yes i repeat, NO ONE, literally, would read this. hence, its the perfect place for me to shout it all out and NOT be heard.. cool? the problem is, i'm not being myself lately.. this is SO weird. first, it's the long-awaited break we've been looking forward for the past 11 months. second, i'm back home(THIS is an important point)third, christmas is less than a week away! fourth, i'm not stuck in that miserable hostel.
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now, WHAT exactly happened to me?
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i am so totally not in high christmas spirits.. back then, i WAS so excited over christmas that i can hardly sit still... yet now, even with the christmas songs playing over and over again, i dont feel anything. the tree is set(by mum) but it doesn't appeal to me like last time. i really wonder why... my christmas shopping is uncompleted. the things i bought are unwrapped. i feel so so.. idle. i'm just wandering around despite the long looooonnnnggggg list of things i have to do before i fly, ie. within 3 wks from now. i wonder, is the fact that i'm flying off sooner than i expected the reason why i'm being so... *dead*? but pretty impossible since i'm like kind of looking forward to it. or is it becos of something subconsciously bothering me? haih.. i give up looking for the answers. parents been nagging me every day for not "packing as i'm supposed to".. but i jus feel so lazy to do that. all i want to do is just sit in front of the com with this great connection and rot. i think i have no friends here. my friend will only be back 8th jan, just 2 days before i fly. of course i have others, but i dont know why i just didn't call them up or what. even lifting the receiver seemed to need a multitude of Newtons. arghs.. i miss midvalley. i miss my aimless trips there and wandering around without a reason, jus marvelled at the big place with shops i can memorize even if when closing my eyes. and oh yes, i miss my church. so much. =( miss kimgary. miss wasting time in mph. miss walking into mv's secret recipe every time yet never eaten there before. miss meeting lynnxuan at mv. miss going carrefour and not buying anything. arggghhhssss... i just miss mv. and all the things i used to do there. exploring myself. wasting time myself.
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btw, i'm procrastinating. this time, not studies. but meeting up with friends. i'm so totally overwhelmed by the question "so when u free to go out?" and i'll be saying "yah yah, someday. when free" i am SO FREE but no mood to go out.. i'm weird. feel like an outcast too, when friends describe about THEIR friends whom i dont know..
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arghs.. im weird, im strange, i'm an alien craving for midvalley. X(

reality sinks in

one have to sit through 5 test papers in 4 days (a week) to realise dat it is not all rosy in life...man can be mentally n emotionally drained...but it's over now, so it doesnt matter anymore...but when u reach home, u start watching tv non-stop, without worrying about whether u have another exam paper coming up soon, n etc. After a few months though, reality sinks in, u still need to study...u still need to study 4 ur another test... u still need excel, but what da heck! i'm not doing anything! i'm sick n tired of books!